i read your story and i started crying because i feel like thats happening to me. i cant help myself but i think im falling out of love with a guy who is in love with me the same way you described. we made the same promises and we often speak of our future together but i dont know why lately i havent been feeling the same. its almost 9 months and i am everything he has and the reason iv held on for so long is bc i know it will break him and he will lose himself, is it wrong for me to leave him?
Honey. Since you are being like the girl I truly loved, I want to help you as much as I can.
First off, let me say that don’t feel bad for how you feel. You may be experiencing the feeling of “falling out of love” basing on the FEELING you used to feel when you were with him, where you were thinking about him, wanting him every second but not anymore that’s why you THINK you are falling out of love that you feel different from the feelings you used to feel. You don’t think about him as often as you used to, you feel the feeling towards him fading away. Right?
I will tell you straight, Love isn’t Emotion, it is your damn CHOICE. No relationship based on feeling will last. I know for most people, “definition” of love is an emotion, strong emotion towards something. And it’s very normal to have such a definition of love since we’ve been taught that love is a feeling. That’s how we’ve been grown up in this society. That’s how this society teaching you and you learned from movies, from parents, from media, from friends, from family, from books in our daily life unconsciously. We believe love is emotion but the truth about feeling, that feeling is UNSTABLE. Feelings change like every day and that’s how feelings are. Saying “I love you forever” based on a temporary feeling is stupid, unless you CAN control it.
Do you even remember how you exactly felt on these things 5 years ago? I bet No. You aren’t the same as the person who used to be 5 years ago. People change, feelings change, thoughts change. ITS LIFE. But your choice? It’s YOUR choice. It’s impossible to keep the the same feeling forever, so is love based on “Feeling”. No matter how lovely dovey you guys are now, as long as you base “Love” on feeling, there will be end someday unless you CAN control your own emotion and thoughts, but your choice is own decision that you CHOOSE to make. IT’S UP TO YOU. Life is all about choices you make, not how you feel on things. True love can be only archived by unconditional love.
People who base love on feelings will misunderstand that they probably don’t love that person anymore when their feeling towards them changed, even tho it’s VERY normal when it comes to a relationship that you are with your partner for so long.. you feel really close to him like family more than a lover you used to feel really passionate for. Many people will misunderstand it as if they aren’t loving that person anymore only because they feel so, but let me tell you it’s a normal thing to feel that way when you are with a person for a long time. I had the same experience. I suffered because there were times that I wonder if I still love my girl as I used to.. I felt like “Do I really love her?” because of the feeling towards her wasn’t something that used to before… but I realized it’s NOT that I stopped loving her. I always cared about her more than anyone else, her happiness was more important than mine regardless of how I feel. I wanted to do anything that makes her smile and so I always tried to treat her good in possible ways. I always kept my words and promises to her. Did a lot of things to make her smile and it was always made me happy seeing her smiling because of me. To give your love to someone or not is your own choice, remember that. You can ALWAYS treat someone with your love regardless of how you feel, if you have an intention to do it. Because how you treat is YOUR choice. It’s your action. I made choices only because I WANTED to do so. There are big difference between your WILL and FEELING. Will is what you choose, Feeling is what you feel by the CAUSE (belief/thoughts/ideas). Even I felt my love got weaker only because it was different from how I feel felt in the first time of our relationship, but I always wanted to make her happy and care about her. That’s my intentions.
If you want to believe that love is a feeling, and leaving his side because your feeling changed. Do them if you want, it’s also YOUR choice. But remember, even if you found a new guy that you could fall in love with, and you may be feeling strong emotion towards him at that moment, as long as you base love on feeling, there will be time that your feeling CHANGE no matter how strong you feel for him now. because THATS how feelings are. I could do live like that if I wanted, I could get another girl that I feel strong emotion towards for when I thought that feeling for my girl faded away, when I think that I don’t love her anymore. But I realized it’s not something I really want. She’s literally the most important person to me. It’s possible to find a new girl and be in so love with her but feelings change, eventually the same thing will happen someday as long as I’m basing love on feeling, and I leave that girl again, and get a new girl that I can fall in love with… again… Smh. NO I DONT WANT SUCH A LIFE. Maybe there are people who believe being in love with many people is a good thing, it’s their life and none of my business. However I didn’t find true happiness in that way of living. I found true happiness being responsible of my own emotion and action, and giving my love to one person unconditionally, who makes me smile every day.
You can leave him, and get a new boy who makes you fall in love again, and can be happy for a while.. and maybe leave him when your feeling changed, like you did to him at first. But at the end, it’s your own LIFE. However you live, whatever you believe, it’s your damn life and choices. Do whatever you want, that makes you happy.
Please remember feelings are coming from the beliefs you have. If you BELIEVE in nothing, there’s nothing to feel towards for. If you want to change how you feel on a thing, look for the definition on that thing you believe. Feelings are key to know what kind of definition you have on it. If you change definition on that thing, feeling will change. It’s an example. How do you feel when I say “gdjtsckr”? I bet you won’t feeling anything for it because you don’t have a definition on it. But what if I say “I love you” to you? I bet there’s something to feel for cause you know the MEANING of it and have definition on it. Or when you believe in something negative, you feel so weak and negative and you attract more bad thoughts by focusing on it more. Deep inside you are believing in a thing has the negative definition, that’s why you feel bad. And feeling is telling you by making you feel bad, that “hey you have a bad belief!” Feeling is an important key to know what kind of definition you believe in on things, that make you feel in that way.
Personality is made of 3 things: Belief, Thoughts pattern, emotion. If you change one of these things, you will change. Ideas > Beliefs > Thoughts pattern > Actions, that Choices you make in your life. That’s how it works.
There’s also a quote, my favorite one. “There are 2 things you can do in every moment, you let a moment define you or you define a moment.”
I really think so, in your case, you are letting your moment (how you feel) defining you. But I defined a moment (where I felt I don’t love her as much as I used to only because my feeling was different) as it’s nothing I should care for because I chose to accept that feelings is something that change and true love is only archived by unconditional love. My own choice to give my love to her or not.
Remember you are the only one who can define yourself. You letting a moment define you or you define a moment. It’s ALWAYS your choice. It isn’t wrong or right to leave him. Do whatever that make yourself happy. But always be responsible for how you feel and your action. Life is all about how you believe in things, how you view things and people judge it’s right or wrong, and living in their rule that their mind believes in. Everyone is. But some are not, who are aware of how our universe works. They are totally responsible for their own life. I’m responsible for my own happiness and I don’t take shits from society, people, family, friends no matter how much they claim it’s the truth, if the idea makes me feel negative or heavy I don’t take them. I only believe in things that make me happy and good. I don’t need something that make me feel heavy. I’m not living in the definition of other people’s good life like being rich and have everything I want but I know I’m having a good life because I believe so. I make my own happiness, I always appreciate everything I have. I’m responsible for myself, I don’t need someone to complete me or give me happiness. I know I can give my love to someone because I love myself so much. You can’t give something that you don’t have. Anyway, I’m sorry for talking too much and my bad english.
In short, READ this post http://oh-good-life.tumblr.com/post/84400902484/love-is-a-decision-it-is-a-judgment-it-is-a and you will probably understand what I was saying.
“True love is only archived by unconditional love. Unconditional love is continual ultimate choices (commitments) of unconditionally giving love in each moment. You will realize love based on feeling will never last unless you can control them. But love based on your choice, will last or not that’s your damn choice.”
It’s your choice to leave him or give your love to him unconditionally. I want everyone to cherish your loved ones, you will understand how big part he was when you lost him. Don’t forget to appreciate him for giving you love. It’s not necessary to give you. He can give it to other person if he wants to do it, but he gives that to you like I always gave my love to the girl unconditionally, because I wanted to do so and seeing her smile always made me the happiest.
Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.
“True love is only archived by unconditional love.
Unconditional love is continual ultimate choices (commitments) of unconditionally giving love in each moment.
You will realize love based on feeling will never last unless you can control them. But love based on your choice, will last or not that’s your damn choice.” — (via oh-good-life)
Yes I do. We’ve been together for almost 7 months. Thanks for asking :)